Wonders if anyone has ever done a study on post-graduation-depression.
I think I have it.
It is the down time.

Hmm CS Lewis once wrote:
If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

Maybe that is for me.
I have access to life, and joy. And yet I choose to . . . dwell in, revel, surround myself with, wrap myself in . . . self pity? sorrow, longing, depression, realism, brokenness of life because . . . it feels more real, I can feel the emotion, I can feel the pain, I can see is and it is tangible, it is easy, and it is something I'm unable to express instead of . . . reaching out for hope, faith, love, joy, gladness, life, I chose to not see with eyes of faith, I decide not to see what could be, I reject what has been given to me because I lack faith, I can put words to joy and gladness, hallmark does it every day and it is cheesy. But I chose not to feel it. I'm a fool. I would rather have depressive misery that ever lasting gladness?

What an complete moron I am!!!!

There is so much more . . . only we have the eyes to see what could be . . . what will be--instead of what is. Because what is is an illusion. It is a lie. I break my agreement with depression. I have agreed to exalt sorrow and pain. I have agree to call the darkness and hurt of the world a good thing. I have agreed to love depression. I break that agreement. I say no more will I stand in belief of your lie. I believe in a better word. Everlasting life. living water. Jesus has a better word for me. And He has the final word. So fuck you darkness!! =D I break my agreement with your laws and your ways. I come into the light and I agree with the kingdom of light for there is joy and gladness, healing and life there. I right now chose to believe in a better word.